Life-Line

I have now been studying Spanish with Rosetta Stone for about 3 months. I feel that I have held myself to a high standard by requiring a 90% in a given section before I move on. It has been slow going. I have learned some colors, numbers, boy, girl, apple, rice, cat, horse, hello and goodbye. I can see that if I continue to proceed at this rate I will in no time be conversing intelligently with Colombians about these important topics.

Just this week I have run into a little wrinkle in my proceedings. Verbs. These words that tell us what we are doing with these objects. I can tell from the sentence that I have 1 green apple but I have no idea what I am going to do with that apple. Do I want to have the apple? Buy the apple? Eat the apple? From the pictures I can usually infer what action will be taking place, but often enough I am randomly choosing what photo goes with the corresponding sentence.

The idea of knowing what I am doing seems rather important to me, so over the past few days I have found myself in a state of crisis. I sit down at the computer and I cry. I think of how silly I am being and force myself to continue. Then I cry some more. I begin wondering how you say words such as "failure" or "incompetent" in Spanish. I panic.

It is time for me to suck-it-up and get some help. We have some friends from Cuba who have offered to help. I am to give them a call whenever I am ready to begin. I write Orlando an email trying not to sound too desperate. Within a day I have heard back and he is excited to begin as soon as possible. I grab hold of this life-line, wipe the tears off my face and relax. There is hope, I begin class next week.

Sitting in the Pews

Several rows in front of me were packed with college students in church this morning. I was aware of their youthful enjoyment of worshiping together. A girl sat a row ahead of me, by herself with empty chairs on both sides. Two girls wandered down the aisle while we were singing looking for seats. The girl in front of me caught their eye and motioned for them to come sit by her. They continued down the aisle but came back when they couldn't find any open seats. Squeezing past people they greeted her and sat down. As we stood to sing they spotted two open seats a few rows up. They grabbed their things, squeezed past people again and moved up. I watched them throw their arms around their friends in that row. I barely moved as I watched the girl in front of me, alone once again - rejected and deserted. My heart shattered for her.

Jesus was radical in his teachings. "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Matt. 5:43-44 How can we as Christians talk about "loving our enemies", not to mention "loving our neighbor" when we can't even love the people we are sharing a pew with at church? Jesus tried to make us see that being a Christian was so much more than just following a bunch of rules. If I love my neighbor than I am obedient to God. I can do that, my neighbor is nice. But I can't love my enemy on my own. I can only love my enemy because I have experienced God's unconditional love towards me.

I couldn't sing as I watched the girl in front of me. She closed her eyes, looked down and raised her hand to God. Slowly the words around me began to register in my mind.

"No weeping, no hurt or pain

No suffering You hold me now

you hold me now"

In church, a place that should be full of love, this girl learned that only in and through God can we be loved completely and unconditionally.

Bodies Revealed

My son had been asking to go see the "Bodies Revealed" exhibit at the local museum. His Biology class had gone one evening but he chose to play soccer instead. Loving to give my kids every educational opportunity available - ones they want and ones they don't - I heartily agreed to take him on the next available day. Today was one of those funky days off school where the Juniors have to go but not the Sophomores. This actually worked out quite well because the girls had school so we would have a nice mother and son outing.

As we entered the exhibit I was immediately confronted with the human body, raw and skinned just like a slaughtered goat hung out for display in a third world market. I stood there staring with my mouth on the floor. Human men (yes it was grotesquely obvious that they were men) posed not only missing their clothes, but their skin as well. I kept looking into their eyes thinking "These are real people who used to be walking on the street. Now they are here on display with thousands of people examining them." Then my eyes would be torn away from their face to their belly button and I would wonder "Why is the skin still on their belly button? Don't they know how to dissect that as well?" Mentally my mind was trying to comprehend the "real, live person" thing with "scientific specimen" thing. We wandered around, my son totally enthralled with all he was seeing. He kept filling me in on how all our body's systems work. Where the nerves stem from and how they connect with the brain.

We walked from room to room with all their eyes following me. Then we came to the room with the pregnant woman whose stomach was dissected to reveal her unborn baby. My soul cried out "How did this woman die? Isn't there a law that a pregnant woman and her baby must be honorably buried?"

Finally we came to a room that had pieces and parts rather than the whole. I could manage this as I leaned in closer to see examples of healthy organs and organs with cancer. Healthy lungs and the lungs of a smoker. Now things were starting to get interesting. I looked at a healthy brain, then saw the plaque of the next brain. "Brain with Alzheimer's". The brain was shrunken and shriveled. The color was grey and dead-looking rather than creamy and healthy. I thought about my Grandma in the nursing home for several years, blank with Alzheimer's. I fear getting this disease when I am older and even have moments when I panic thinking the disease is beginning to take hold of me now. As I looked at the diseased brain I could literally feel my own brain beginning to separate from my skull as it was shrinking. My spirits were sinking but a ray of hope began to push it's way into my thoughts. I have heard that learning a foreign language helps one exercise their brain thus, stunting the effects of Alzheimer's. Now I know I am safe because I am learning Spanish. I study it several times a week. Although I still can barely remember how to say "hi", at least I know that this problem is solved. My family won't have to deal with me going into la la land.

An hour had passed and we were finally exiting the exhibit. I feel quiet disturbed at all I have witnessed. There is a reason why my husband is the doctor and I am not.