Saturday, April 14, 2012

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality
By Peter Scazzero

Several years ago a few friends told me the church we used to attend while living in Detroit was doing a year on this book. The sermons and small groups all centered around the book. At the point in my life the title didn't even interest me. The book came across my path again in several different ways so I felt the time had come for me to read it. Now that I've read the book I realize that I would have thought it was ok and moved on.
Today I am in a different spot. Today this book resonates with me. I have lived my life up to this point one way. That way was good and worked for a long time, but now it doesn't work. Life has happened and my old way of life didn't allow me to stick-up for myself, to say that my feelings were hurt, to grieve as things and relationships broke. My focus has always been straight ahead. I've shoved a lot over the years. God has given me a lot of grace to forge ahead and be the woman I needed to be.
But now I am in a spot where I have completed all the supporting roles I needed to hold. We have moved countless times, things in and out of storage. I have purged myself of the things I own only to have to purge again a year later and again and again. I have changed, my friends have changed. My kids are becoming quiet independent – they don't need a constant mom watching over them. My role is changing.
Many things have changed and I have not allowed myself the room to grieve as these changes have happened. I've sat here for the last 6 months feeling empty and constantly drained, but never allowing myself to look back, feel the loss, grieve, cry and mourn so that I can look forward with clear eyes.
This book made me realize how important it is to do just that. To mourn so I can heal.
I know this will take time. There is a lot that is now empty. So many questions about who I am now as past roles are completed. But there is hope as well. Hope in the future God has planned for me. The new role he has been preparing me to fill.

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