Last Day - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Mackinac Island, MI

And just like that, 31 days has come to an end.  I'm rather proud of myself that I managed to blog every single day.  It's an accomplishment that my family is getting rather tired of hearing about.  Doing this challenge taught me things that are separate and different than things I've learned being an expat.  These are things that I needed to experience and learn.  

I've learned that even though I'm working full time, I can still accomplish something.  It's been 19 years since I worked full time, and going into this season, I really believe that work--and nothing more--would be my life.  It takes a burden off myself to know that life is more than just work.  I'm fortunate to really enjoy my job and the people I work with, but I have other goals and desires outside of 40 hours that I hope to accomplish.  Now that I know I can do a few things in the evening, I'm looking forward to laying out some goals and a bit of a schedule.  For me, it's the only way I know I'll be focused enough to follow through.

I've learned that it's ok to get home and take a little time for me.  I don't need to be running around all evening picking everyones' stuff up.  In fact, having something to occupy my mind distracted me from the little nit-picky things in the house.  By the time I went to bed, amazingly enough, most the stuff was put away by its owner.  It's good to let my family be responsible for some orderliness and it's good for me to let go of dictating when and how things are always done.  That's a tough one for me.  I like my way. 

It was a really good feeling to set a goal and work towards it.  Yes, I'm a goal setter, so this challenge worked very well with my personality.  Some days I was exhausted and really didn't have a clue what to write about.  So thoughts came out disconnected and jumbled.  But I did it anyway.  Too often it's easy to say "I can't do it perfectly, so I'm not going to do it at all."  I'm glad that I stuck with this challenge and did the best I could.  That's all we can do--isn't it?

So I wrote about Things I've Learned as an Expat.  You may have read some of the posts and thought "I've learned the same thing going back to work or being married."  You see, we all are continually learning things.  I hope your life isn't stagnant.  We need to challenge ourselves and find ways to stretch ourselves.  I challenge you to take a few moments and make a list of things you have learned...

Thank you for sticking with me this month.  I've had fun and enjoyed your input along the way.  Now back to life with a bit more framework for accomplishing a few things I would like to do!

2 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Little Sable Point, Sand Lake, MI

In our home countries, we have certain ways of doing things.  We become accustomed to the social norms of how things are done.  We have our personal bubble that we don't like invaded.  We drive a certain way, we stand in lines a certain way and we go to the bathroom a certain way.  

In many other countries the women cleaning the bathroom hang out in there, continually cleaning and waiting for a tip.  My husband told me that it took a long time for him to get comfortable with this.  It's just not the way we do things in our country.

It can be hard to hold your head high at times.  At home I have no problem knowing how much I need to pay when I buy groceries, but as I'm learning numbers I end up just holding out a palm full of change and letting the clerk pick through the money in my hand to find the right change.  Most of the situations I run into are small, insignificant things, but they point out to me how humbling life can be when your are thrown out of your comfort zone.  It just shows me how much our dignity is protected in our home country but how good it is to strip it away from time to time and learn that life goes on.

Most of the time these are just small situations but a few nights ago we were watching The Pursuit of Happiness where Will Smith's character actually becomes homeless at one point in the story.  Talk about your dignity being taken away.  But he made the best of it and continued to pursue his goal.  By the end of the movie he was on his way to becoming a successful stock trader.  

It doesn't matter if the challenge we are facing is little or big, we can overcome these hurdles and our dignity is more a pressure we put on ourselves rather than an actual barrier to success.

3 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Amish Country, Michigan

Enjoy Today

After dinner I found myself running through two different grocery stores trying to come up with the ingredients to make some cupcakes for the doc's birthday tomorrow.  Things that seem so basic, like baking coco, powdered sugar, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda (Who knew you had to look in the laundry aisle for this  one?  And it only comes in a five pound bag.  Yes, five pounds.  What do you do with five pounds of baking soda?).

I never gave any of these items a second thought before I moved overseas.  One stop at Meijers and there they were, on the shelf--four brands to choose from.  Now, each country seems to have its own, unique cooking challenges.  

When I was home this past summer, I enjoyed food in a different way than before.  I ate slower.  I noticed the flavors.  I savored the moment.  Foods that I love and don't get very often are remembered.  And not only the food, but the time I spent with my sister and her kids eating that Little Caesar's Pizza or that amazing chocolate pancake I had with a girlfriend.  

Food is a little thing, but something that teaches me a lesson almost every single day I am away from home.  We must enjoy today because we don't know what tomorrow will bring.

This summer I got to catch up with a friend whose husband died of cancer last spring.  This week I am mourning with a friend who just lost his job.  It's so easy to take life for granted.  To believe that what I have today, I will have tomorrow.

Two weeks ago I had the weirdest thing happen.  I began to see things in double. At first this was just annoying, but it got a bit worse and I started having a really hard time functioning.  I went to see an ophthalmologist and he feels that I have sixth nerve palsy.  Basically, this means that the nerve in my left eye is damaged and could take many months to heal.  In the mean time?  Well, he fitted me for glasses and today I was able to pick them up.  After two weeks of seeing everything in double, squishing up my face to look at people, slapping a hand over one eye in desperation to hold a conversation, I am so happy to have glasses.  I still can't drive a car and things further away are double.  I feel a bit off balance and I'm not able to judge depth or distance well.  One night I went to bed, never thinking to even be thankful for two eyes that worked correctly.  The next day, that normal ability was gone.  I have thought so many times about how thankful I am that up to this point, I've had two eyes that work well.  It's changed my perspective on something I took for granted.

Little things like daily food challenges help me keep perspective that everything in this world is fleeting.  Take time today to be thankful for what you have.  Enjoy each moment, each bite, each flavor.

4 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Dow Gardens, Midland, MI

Today's post is dedicated to my husband.  Because without him, I never would have owned a pet.  

Flat out, honest truth.  I don't particularly like animals.  They ruin things and create a tremendous amount of work.  You also have to spend time with them and pay attention to them.  This is probably what a lot of people like about animals--companionship--but I would prefer to find my friend in a good book.

We've always had animals.  And not just one, nice, quiet pet, rather we have gone overboard in the animal department.  So I can't really compare what life was like before pets and then how it magically changed after we acquired them.  What I can tell you is how much of a difference it has made in my kids' lives having animals with us when we move.  It's like Bam!  Instant friend.  Bad day at school?  Kitty will curl up with you and purr to sooth your sad heart.  Want to take a run?  Just leash up the dog and off you go.  

We have either taken animals with us when we move, or gotten new animals when we arrive.  In Russia we even got two cats with the specific rule that the cats would stay in Russia.  They were wonderful.  Family after family, they took care of little kids hearts.  Animals meet needs in a way that I can't.  A pet can be told a secret and will never judge or tell.  A pet will be with you for hours and hours--no words need to be spoken.

It really doesn't matter where you live in the world, pets are good for kids.  Even if you're like me and really would rather do without, think about the space they would fill for your kids.  It's something I've learned over and over again.

5 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Dow Gardens, Midland, MI

World View
1.  The overall perspective from which one sees and interprets the world.

This term became popular among mission groups about 15 years ago.  I've heard a lot of speakers explain the importance of understanding your world view and expanding your world view. Why would this be important?  Because it's really hard to meet another person's needs until you understand who they are physically, culturally and spiritually.

It's also hard to reach out to another person if we don't understand where we are coming from.  That's the first place to start and some of the greatest things I've learned as an expat are about who I am.  So much shapes who we are.  Everything in our lives, up to this point, has shaped who we are.  And from this moment forward, every experience we continue to have will shape who we are tomorrow.  Moving overseas, I was suddenly faced with different.  As I looked at different I began to understand who I was and why I was that way.  Some of it was very good, but I began to see that I had a lot of barriers that I needed to break down so that I could see people in a non-judgmental way.  It takes purposeful work to change thought patterns and ideals.  These things don't happen overnight.  Once I began to see who I was and challenge myself to change, I began to see who other people were.

There's a saying that says something about not understanding someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.  Sometimes it's not possible to walk in someone else's shoes.  Take the refugee that lives down the street.  I will never understand what they have experienced.  It's simply not possible.  But the more I work on expanding my world view, the more I can have compassion for my neighbor and respond in a helpful manner.

We will never be able to completely understand another person on this earth, because it is impossible to walk in their shoes.  But it is possible to walk next to them.  We all need fellow companions.  We need people who are willing to break down barriers and join us in our journey.

I encourage you to take some time to think about how you interpret the world.  What has you locked in a box that binds you in so you can't reach out to another person?  Take time to think about that and pray about it.  Then think of ways to change so that you are ready to walk with another person.

6 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Mackinac Island, MI

Shopping at Costco here in Taipei is like nothing I've experienced before.  Think Black Friday craziness every single day.  The doors open at 9 and the cash registers open at 10.  There is a line of cars in the street waiting to get into the parking ramp.  A line snakes out the door of people waiting to get in.  Once in the store, you get in a long, single file line and with your cart  you ride up the bumper to bumper filled escalator belt to the second floor.  From there it's just chaos trying to get down an aisle.  I've heard it said that this is the third busiest Costco in the world.  I would believe it.  I break out in a sweat just thinking of making a trip to this store.  But if I want cheese, and you know I do, I have to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.  

Saturday morning, I was in Costco looking over the freezers.  I've realized that I like to freeze everything and the little freezer above the fridge is impossibly small--especially when I'm shopping at Costco.  There was another woman there looking at the freezers too.  We began chatting.  She's been looking at them for awhile now, so she was able to give me a lot of good information.  Of course the inevitable questions began:  "Where are you from?  Why are you here?  How long have you been here?"  Then out of the blue, she asked me if I had heard of BSF before.  I was completely surprised.  In a country where less than 3% of the people are Christian, how would she know to ask me if I had heard of Bible Study Fellowship before?  As it turns out, we go to the same Bible study.  Looking back, she probably recognized me and was trying to put a finger on where she had seen my face.  Being one of three white faces amongst some 200 women, I guess I stick out a bit.  

It was like God was telling me "You are part of a big family."  I've learned that, it doesn't matter where I am in the world, I am part of a bigger family.  I am not alone.  

You are not alone either.  God gave you brothers and sisters all over the world.  Sometimes it takes a little or maybe even a lot of hunting, but you are not alone.

7 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Mackinac Island, MI

For the first eighteen years of my life, I didn't move.  I lived in the same house, on the same street, in the same city.  The biggest change I can remember is changing schools in 2nd grade.  But that wasn't really a big change because I changed from attending the public school down the street to going to our small church school where all my friends already went.  

I don't see this as a bad thing.  In fact, I actually see all that stability as a foundation.  I had a sense of knowing who I am so that I can move all over the place now.  Home is still there, I can go back if I need to.  

My children don't have that same sense of stability.  First, they were moved all over the state of Michigan, then we began the overseas thing.  They really understand the first day of school in a completely new place with no friends.  The first few countries they had each other.  Then the boy went off to college and it was just the two girls.  This year the older girl went to college and we moved countries.  This left the younger daughter alone, to begin a new school, by herself.    

New and alone are two difficult words for someone of any age.  I've watched my daughter as she adjusts to this new place.  I'm proud of her.  She's worked hard at finding new friends and being involved in activities.  She's done well at what I talked about in a previous post -- putting yourself out there as a new person.  But what I've noticed is that after week one or maybe even week two, people stop looking at you as the new person.  They stop inviting you to things and stop making that little bit of extra effort.  It takes a long time to stop being the new person and feel like where you now are is comfortable and fits.  

In January or in six months, she will no longer be the new person and someone else will come along that needs all that love, encouragement and inclusion as they try to fit into their new surroundings.  And she will be the one to extend that invitation.  More often in life, we are the old one and someone else new comes along.  Remember what it feels like to be new.  How good it felt when someone asked you to lunch or helped you find something.  The gesture can often be so small that it seems trivial to the one giving it, but to the new person, even the smallest things are the biggest gifts.

8 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Relying on Others

I think the title says it all.  It sounds independent to pack your suitcases and move to the other side of  the world, but I've actually found the opposite to be true.  Moving across the ocean has actually made me less of a dependent person.  There are times I just want to pull out my hair and scream "I just want to be independent!"  It doesn't work that way though.  I need people at home to take care of those little details that I can't while I am away and I need people over here to show me the ropes.  I can't do it alone and it's a humbling thing to learn.  

God didn't create us to be alone.  He even said that to Adam, "It's not good for man to be alone..."  So if God didn't create me to be alone, why does anger and frustration at having to rely on others, rear it's ugly head and throw a pity party when I need to ask for help?  Because it's so humbling to admit that there is actually very little about this life that I can do alone.

Moving all the time and living overseas has really shown me how dependent I must be on other people and it's taught me that it's not such a bad thing.  It draws me closer to others and helps me be aware of when I need to reach out and help someone else.

9 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Michigan

Follow Your Passions

I'm a strong believer that God created each one of us in a unique fashion.  No two people are the same.  God gave each of us unique talents, ideas and passions.  Absolutely no one else can do the job that God designed you to do.

It's not easy.  Sometimes it's hard to figure out what we're good at.  If I know what I'm good at, it can be hard figuring out how to use that talent.  After I figure out those two things, the path to pursing the passion that God put inside of me is hard.  It's often like fighting an uphill battle.  At least that's been my experience.

Being an expat is not the answer to these things for me, rather just a step in a direction.  When we took that step I thought something would happen.  It didn't.  It took me two years to figure out that what I thought my purpose was, wasn't at all.  In fact, I was so bad at what I thought I was supposed to do, that I had to take some time to let go of that dream and change my thinking.

But during that time and the post after that, I kept following my passions.  I constantly made steps in a direction.    During those times, when the pieces fell into place, I knew I was doing exactly what God created me for and for me, in that moment.

I don't think God's plan is static.  That suddenly everything falls in place and we are there--forever.  Rather, I think God's plan changes.  It morphs and moves to meet the needs of today.  Sometimes the "job title" stays the same, but what it looks like changes.  Sort of like being a mom.  Being a mom when my children were infants is a lot different than being a mom to college students.  Then sometimes the picture changes completely.  Being an interior designer and working in security are not the same at all.    Outside of being an employee, the jobs had nothing in common.

Now we are at a new post and things haven't fallen into place in the same pattern they did at the past two posts.  So I find myself in this place where I'm looking at my passions, looking at the needs around me and praying a lot.

I haven't learned how to magically make life work smoothly and seamlessly, but I have learned that if I give up and don't keep pursuing, then God has nothing to work with.

What about you?  Have you given up or are you pushing through the difficult times to use your passions for God?

10 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expta

Trusting God

Life has a lot of unknowns.  I didn't think about that a lot when I lived back in the states, in my comfortable house in a static neighborhood.  Then my husband joined the military, then we went over seas, and finally we joined the State Department and began moving every few years.    We jumped into a life of unknowns.  What country will we live in two years?    Where will the kids go to school? What will our housing be like?  Will we like it?  How far away will we be from family?  So many unknowns that my mind begins to swim.  Just as soon as we feel comfortable in one place, we are making a bid list, waiting and then preparing for the move.  

With all the unknowns, I find myself facing a path with two ways to go.  One way involves a lot of worry and stress,  All the unknowns become black holds that I fall into constantly.  The other path is choosing to trust God.  It's a path that s sometimes takes mental effort to make a choice daily, but ultimately, I'm a much happier person.

I've learned that trusting God is not always an easy thing.  People make it seem easy, "Just trust God, He will take care of everything."  But the reality is, trust takes focus and determination.  

I really like the way the Message puts such a favorite verse that every little child learns in Sunday School.  "Trust GOD from the bottom of your hear; don't try to figure out everything on your own."  Proverbs 3:5

It's actually hard to not figure out everything on my own. I want control, it can be a battle in my mind.  But when I actually begin to trust God, I stop worrying and then I get to enjoy how everything falls into place.  

Things don't always fall into place like I expected.  We went through six months of preparing our bid list and waiting before we went to Moscow.  Moscow was not on that list.  In fact, it was very purposefully left off.  Then we got the call that we weren't getting anything on the list would we take...  After we prayed and hemmed and hawed over our choices, we got Moscow.  I loved those two years in Moscow.  They unfolded slowly, petal by petal, full of surprises.  All the worry in the world would not have made that flower open faster.  But trusting God allowed me the space and freedom to enjoy watching His blessings unfold.

May you find rest today in watching the flower of God's plan unfold.

11 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Contentment is a Choice

"The grass is greener on the other side of the fence." "Keeping up with the Jones's."  We all know it, we all say it and we all think we don't have a problem with it.  At the same time we can point our finger at the person that we think does have a problem with it.  Contentment--with what we have, in our circumstances, with who we are.

The expat, and specifically the diplomatic lifestyle have made contentment something that I deal with on a daily basis.  For 5 years now I have watched people deal free housing.  Yes,  you read that right, free.  And yet, there is constant complaining and lack of satisfaction.  It's pretty much impossible to get a group of women together and not have to listen to someone complain about their house or their furniture.  Everyone wants bigger, or newer, or more amenities.  I have to admit, I have found myself wallowing from time to time.  I take my eyes off what I have and I look at what other people have and start to feel sorry for myself.  

It's ridiculous, I know.  And ultimately, it's a sin.  My new job makes this a challenge some days.  I go to people's apartments and make sure they are happy and know how to use all the switches and dials.  People are settling in and generally, quiet happy about where they are.  But I begin looking around and I can feel jealousy creeping in.  It's ridiculous really.  Because I absolutely love my apartment.  What I thought was going to be too small has turned out to be just right.  We are together and don't feel lost in the space.  Lots of light comes in from the windows and the high ceilings give it a spacious feel.  I am right by the metro and have the freedom to get wherever I want with ease.  It's a quiet area of town, yet there's a Starbucks just a block away.  I can walk to three grocery stores and a mall and a movie theater, oh, and a ferris wheel just for kicks.  I also  have the most amazing neighbors.  I would be so broken hearted if I had to move out of this place and leave these people behind.  I absolutely adore them.  

So why to I get the wants when I see other apartments?  I have no idea.  I think there is just that yucky old sin nature in me that wants to make me discontent.  It's something that I have to purposefully put my mind to and choose not to think about.

I think we all have things in our life like this.  Areas where everyone else's circumstances outshine our own.  Stop yourself today and look at what you really have.  It's a gift, one that if it were taken away, you would probably regret.

12 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

The Need To be Known

Maybe it's the wind pulling at my skirt, breaking the humid stillness and making my hair all wild.  Wind coming from the Philippines where people are displaced and hurting as a typhoon rips their home in two.  Maybe it's because I'm a woman and every so often, my heart just wants to curl up into a ball and hide from the world, for no good reason at all.  It could be because I'm human and we all have a deep need within us to be known by others.  

Today I found myself daydreaming about what it would be like to have a friend visit.  To walk from work, through the park together.  We'd pause and share a laugh about all the people standing in a circle and slapping their feet in rhythm with a tape recorder counting out the beat.  Walking down the main street we'd be careful not to get run over by mopeds as we cross the street.  Dinner would be at one of the many food stalls or coffee shops along the way.  When we got to Bible study, she would get to feel the power of 200 women singing hymns together.  Then she could sit with me in my group and in the discussion and share my discouragement of not understanding the accent or even all the concepts taught from a second language speaker.  Afterwards we would take the MRT (metro) home together, walk through my neighborhood, past the brightly lit Ferris wheel and to my apartment.  The doorman would bob his head as he let us in with a warm greeting then sprinted to beat us to the elevator and push the buttons for us.  All of our heads would be nodding like out of control bobble heads as we said "shie, shei" or thank you.  Then we would step into my apartment and she would see my kitchen where I cook for my family and the couch with the four inch gap between the cushions that we always fall into.  

Some people say that I'm homesick, but I think that I am longing to be known.  I have a deep need in me for those who are close to see and understand what my daily life consists of.  My experience,  here and now, make me who I am tomorrow.  After my parents visit me at each post, things change.  There's a different understanding.  For me there's a knowledge that they know what it means when I say I need to go to the grocery store.  When I talk about my Bible study, my mom can picture the women, sitting in a circle, sharing life together.  

I know it's not possible for all or really any of my friends to visit.  We move too often, we live too far away, it takes too much time and it's too expensive.  I understand.  A few people have held my hand through the years.  I communicate with them and they know my life, to the extent it's possible and for that I am truly grateful.

I'm not the only one who needs this.  I think every person on this earth needs to be known.  It's how God created us to be.  Things got really messed up in the garden when we sinned.  Since that moment, our hearts began longing.  

Look around you.  There are people needing to be known right where you are.  It doesn't take much effort, it just takes a little time to get to know them.  To listen to where they came from, why they're where they are today.  

13 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Today's thoughts I borrowed from a friend.  I'm sort of running out of ideas, so I begged a little help.  Just some ideas to motivate my mind! 

This idea goes back to the thoughts on communication.  How we communicate with other people says a lot to them about how much we care about them as people--as individuals.  

People who have lived overseas, especially where a foreign language is spoken, begin to have a different rhythm to their speech.  My husband is the most noticeable example of this I can think of.  When someone is struggling with their English a bit, he goes into a simplified version of speech.  He slows down a bit, not to the point where it's obvious, only to the extent that he's not rushing through his sentences.   He simplifies the terms he uses and keeps his sentences short.  We also learn to ask questions and convey answers in the most simplified way possible.  All of this comes through the painful experience of having survived in a place where English is not spoken.  When we meet someone who doesn't speak our language, we immediately identify with them and have compassion on them.

Why is this even important?  Because people want to be heard and understood.  If someone simply needs something as simple as directions, they have an actual need to get some place.  I am of no help if I spout out accurate, but unintelligible directions.   It tells them they are important when I speak in a way they can understand.   

It's something to consider as we run across more and more foreigners without even leaving home.

14 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

People question me all the time about the difficulty of leaving the kids behind in America to attend college.  I think taking your kids to college is hard for anyone, no matter if the school is across town or across the ocean.  We're used to these awesome, dynamic people filling our homes one day and then bam, the next day the house is quiet and empty.  We all want our kids to grow up and have successful, meaningful lives, but the transition can leave an aching heart.  In many ways, my experience is no different than your experience.

What I've learned, is when my kids, or parents or friends visit us, everything else in life stops for a period.  Well, maybe it doesn't all stop, but extra days are taken off work, some things are put on hold, and other things our company just joins in with us.  I love taking a friend to my church or Bible study so they can get a flavor of what my daily life is.  We go grocery shopping together because foreign markets are interesting.  The point is, for the short periods we are with our kids, our time together is very intentional.  We are in the unique position, that when the kids visit for Christmas, they are not distracted by cell phones and hanging out with friends.  They've left them all behind.  

The area we have not succeeded on is intentionality when we are back in the states.  Life seems so busy and we are running every direction.  I feel like I short change all my friends and my family too.  Especially my kids.  We've tried different things, it's a work in progress.

Something we used to do when our kids were small was spend the night at friends' houses.  It's easy and it's fun.  We did this with my sister this summer.  Spur of the moment with no extra clothes with us.  But my memories of that evening, hanging out and talking after the kids were in bed, are precious.  It's one of the highlights of the summer.  It was so easy, it just took being willing to go with the flow and be spontaneous.

Maybe you can find a way to be intentional with family and friends right where you are.  Find ways to create that space where cell phones don't interrupt, where a time schedule isn't constantly tugging at your mind.    Enjoy the moment and the people you are with.

15 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

If you've been reading my blog for awhile or if you've had to sit and listen to me whine and complain, you know that I don't learn foreign languages.  I don't have the gift but I manage to get around and do my business pretty well.  It seems a mystery to people when they visit, but for those who are in the same situation as I'm in, we all manage to find our ways to communicate.

God gave us five senses but we only rely on one for most communication--our hearing.  When you take away the ability to understand the words being said, your other senses begin to kick in and grow stronger.  Think about everything that is going on during a conversation that helps give you context to the situation.

I can hear your tone of voice.  I know when you pause and when you rush your words.  I can hear a voice get louder and louder, even though the same phrase is being repeated over and over.  These things tell me if it's urgent or important.  My husband dislikes email as a main form of communication for this very reason.  You have no idea what emotion is being conveyed.  Is the person happy, afraid or frustrated?  

I watch very closely when I'm communicating to someone in another country.  At the grocery store the clerk may hold up a few fingers, giving me a clue on price.  They shake their head or shrug their shoulders.  A lot can be conveyed through body language.  What's going on around me is a big clue as well.  Lines help me figure out where I should or should not be.  A lot of time I catch a small movement out of the corner of my eye, and it gives me a clue about what we are trying to communicate.

Sometimes communication simply comes to a desperate game of charades.  Every expat can tell you multiple stories about when they clucked like a chicken in a grocery store or did a complicated string of motions in the market.  Somehow, in the end, we get what we want, around the price we want and both parties go away happy with stories to tell.

I find it interesting that as my daughter has experienced this and the frustration of not speaking a language, she chose to study Sign Language Interpretation in college.  I think a compassion grew in her for those who are born into life with sound cut off.  She's aware of using many senses for mere survival and wants to help people, especially children, as they learn to navigate the world as she has had to do.

Learning how to use our senses to a greater capacity helps us become better friends.  It's like reading between the lines.  You begin to pick-up on when people are hurting or excited.  You read the cues in body language, facial expressions and pauses.    As you begin to understand people better, compassion grows.  Take time today to slow down and do more that simply listen to words.  Pay attention to the person you are talking to.  Notice what's going on, then support them where they need it most.

16 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Sometimes, it's easy to become critical of people who don't do things the same way we do.  Something as basic as driving on the left side of the road can become "Why do they drive on the wrong side of the road?"  It's not even an issue of right or wrong.  It's simply two ways to do the same thing.  One is not better than the other, it's just not what we are used to or grew up with as the acceptable norm.  

There are so many issues that are like this, but it's very easy to see them as black and white, right and wrong issues.  When we haven't experienced something different, it's very easy to point a finger and judge.  But what good does judging another person do, simply because you do not understand them or their way is new to your thinking?  

During my time living overseas, I've picked up some new ways of doing things.  While home, I get looked at a bit oddly.  Some of my changes may be considered quaint and just part of the eclectic person I've become such as saying "No worries" instead of "No problem."  Others things may rub my American friends in an uncomfortable way.  I'm sure my neighbors really thought I was nuts at the amount of clothing I hung to dry after returning from New Zealand.  To this day, I still hang more dry than before.  It's just part of what I've picked up along the way.

But greater than a few simple changes in the way I do things, I've learned that I can't judge people and their way of doing things, no matter how little sense it makes to me, until I've walked in their shoes.  

I've learned that the mentality of a society takes generations to build.  It was hard for me to understand how in the first world city of Moscow, staples in the grocery store could just run out.  It seems to me that anyone who is business minded could plan ahead, do product forecasting--all the stuff that makes a business run without hitches.  But Russia has known "hitches" for generations.  Under the rule of the Tsars, products were limited to the wealthy.  The country starved during the revolution then under the iron fist of communism, every day essentials became non-existent.  It wasn't that long ago that commercialism became available.  It was so easy for me to make a quick judgment about the way  things ran there.  But the more I talked to people, the more I lived in their country and experienced the way things were, the less judgmental I became.  

It takes time to understand people and societies and the way they are.  It doesn't do any good to talk and explain to them the way you think things should be.  Instead, it takes a lot of time just listening and observing.  They need you to understand their stories and history which will help you understand the way they do things.  

17 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

When the Doc and I were young and spent some time in Africa, the missionary told Doc that he needed to have his haircut in every country he visited.  Different cultures just do it differently.  He wasn’t kidding.  We went to the local market and found a group of barbers congregated in the middle.  The Doc sat down on a tree stump.  The barber gave the cape a flick and it floated down, settling on his shoulders.  The the scissors came out.  The barber talked and talked.  He wove a wild story all while his scissors snipped in the air at amazing speeds.  Every once in a while the scissors came dangerously close to Doc’s head and a chunk of hair fell down.  The barber stopped, looked Doc over and seemed very pleased with himself.  He had probably never cut a white head of hair before.  

Notice that our friend told the Doc to have his hair cut in every country, but his wife never suggested that to me.  I understand why.

They speak English in New Zealand, but terminology can be different.  When I was trying to tell the Maori woman not to cut my bangs, she just gave me a blank look.  I finally understood that my “fringe” would remain long.  All I could think of was the fringe around the formal loveseat in my mom’s living room.

Colombia presented another round of problems.  My hair is fine and silky, blonde.  A Colombian’s hair is thick and rougher.  Colombians have gorgeous hair, it just doesn’t lay the same as mine.  The word “thick” is important here.  I never could quiet convey strong enough the importance of not thinning my already quiet thin hair.  

I couldn’t afford to get my hair cut in Moscow.  I let it grow and grow.  We took at trip to Vilnius, Lithuania and I decided to get my hair cut.  The girl did the most amazing job.  I loved it and was able to style if later.  That’s the sign of a good cut—if I can do it again!  I figured out that I could buy a round trip plane ticket to Vilnius and get my hair cut for the same price as a simple cut in Moscow.  Bonus, I would be happy!  I never did it, I mean how hoity-toity would that sound?  “I just hop on a plane and jet on over to Lithuania for the day to get my hair done.”?  Thank goodness the ruble drastically fell and I was able to afford taking care of my hair.  

Now I find myself in Asia.  I’ve looking in a few hair salons in my area.  They don’t cater to the expat crowd.  I also don’t have any travel plans to go haircutting destinations, so I’m just going to be winging it in a few weeks.

So what have I learned from my haircutting experiences?  Have no expectations.  Make appointments at my trustworthy hairstylist six months ahead of a planned trip home.  Be grateful for those times I do get a good haircut and hang in there for the other times.  I know it’s not great challenging material for those of you back home.  It’s just one of those little things thatI am now very aware of.

18 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Others Come First

We've left our family far behind.  No matter how much we love them, they aren't here to help with daily needs or to share holidays together.  Grandparents can't come to school events for the kids and we miss out on family gatherings for birthdays.  Of course I want to be there.  I'm crying on the inside every time I try to connect to sing Happy Birthday to a niece over Skype.

I've learned that when the family I have always relied on is an ocean away, I grow closer to the family I have with me--my husband and kids.  My kids are now moving onto college and they get the joy of joining in on those family things they missed for so many years.  I'm happy for them.

My daughter just had a long weekend break from school.  She was able to go to her Aunt's house and spend time with the cousins.  She played games with them, read to them and probably did a bit of baking with them.  She loved it and it gave her energy for the next month of classes.  I didn't get to see her on her break but I'm glad there was family at home to step in and fill that gap.

We still need people outside of our family to rely on and to share those special days with.  That's what's cool about being a part of the expat community.  Your friends begin to fill those gaps that family can't fill right now.  You begin to rely on them for more than just a fun lunch out.  They are there when you need them in a pinch.  They water your plants when you go on vacation.  They come over for dinner in their comfy clothes, because we are comfortable with each other and my house is your house.  They come over in the middle of the night when you have to run to the hospital, then they visit you while you are there.  Even when you are brand new and barely know one another, you step in to help your neighbor in any way possible.

I'm at the beginning of that journey now.  We are still the new ones and relationships do take a bit of time.  But we are finding our place and how we can be family to the people here.  I think of this now, because I have a neighbor working on a project that I have been helping with.  We were waiting for some last parts to come in and they did.  "Whenever you have time" is what she said, but what I saw in her eyes was that it would be one of those little things that would just help me with this lifestyle if we could get it done sooner rather than later.  Because I heard the need, I really want to meet that need.  Even though it won't take long to finish the project, I'm going to do it tomorrow night.  What that means is, for one night, my Taipei family comes before my blog challenge.  Knowing me, I'll probably bring my computer to work tomorrow and write the blog at lunch.  But if I don't, and I miss a day, you know that it's because I have a family here that I need to take care of.

19 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Tuesday evenings is a perfect time for my mind to do a bit of reflecting.  I leave work at 5, walk 30 minutes to the area where my Bible study is, then I have until 7:00 to fill until we begin.  I love the walk, down a busy street, lined with food stalls, moped mechanic garages and tennis shoe shops.  The largest university in Taiwan is on one side of the street so the area is full of the young, hip crowd.  I take a jog off the main street onto a busy, narrow, side road.  Usually I take this to another main street and snuggle in at Starbucks for an hour, but tonight, I found a great little tea and brownie shop.  When I sit down, I take out my ipad and email or blog.  The walk and the empty time are perfect for letting my mind reflect on the day, the week, the month, my life, my family, my God.  I really get to pull my thoughts together and ponder them-uninterrupted.

Tonight I'm thinking about the Bible study I'm getting ready to go to.  I'll admit, it's been a bit of a disappointment.  I had heard how amazing this type of study was.  How you go deep and God teaches you great things.  Well, it's not happening for me.  I find the reading boring and the questions elementary.  In the group we go through every single questions and just give an answer then move onto the next question.  There's no, "Did anyone struggle with that?"  or "Are you amazed at the love God shows here?"  We are actually encouraged not to dig deeper, to just let the word speak for itself.  So I'm trying very hard, but I've realized that this particular study is not going to be for me.  I'm probably not going to learn great truths or be changed in some mysterious way.

It's not about me.  But what I'm beginning to discover is that it is about the new Christian woman in my group who is learning and discovering, and I get to help her with that and encourage her.  And it's about the woman who is doing this study in English, but really struggling with the translation.  I get to help explain God's word to her and smile when she tries to formulate thoughts in her second, or third or fourth language.  It's about the woman in my group whose husband died not long ago and is in need of comfort greater than I can give.  She is finding it by immersing herself in scripture daily and surrounding herself with women who love God.  (Me!)

It's so easy to get wrapped up in ME.  To go to church for me.  To be in a Bible study to satisfy my needs.  It's easy to get comfortable when I've done something forever.  When I only do Beth Moore studies, or meet with the same women.  When I take my focus off my wants and comfort, I begin to see all these little areas where God is using me to bless other women.  I want that.  My attitude is changing.  I'm still excited to go to study each week, but the reasons have changed.  I'm excited to learn more about these women, to give them a hug and a smile.  To send them off with love and encouragement to help them get through the week.

Are you too comfortable in life with the same old routine?  Where are you disappointed in life?  Can you see how God might pulling out of your ME focus and instead be using you to love on and encourage others?  It feels good to know that God uses me!

20 Days Left - Lessons I've Learned as an Expat

Doers

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

James 1:22

There are two types of people on this earth.  Those who come up with amazing ideas and talk a lot and those who follow through with ideas.  What has really struck me, within the church in America, is how many people talk a lot.  They sit around in Bible studies, or after church or just whenever they get together and they begin talking.  They have great solutions for the world, great criticisms of the way things are being done, great passions and great ideas.  But, they never move beyond the ideas.  Overseas, I've noticed that there's not a lot of talk.  People seem to be too busy working out the ideas they have.  They follow through with the passions in their hearts.  

I think part of this is personality. Some people are natural doers. On the other hand, I get how hard it is to put an idea into motion. There's a lot of risk involved. You pour yourself into something sometimes only to have it ripped apart by other people or not work out. Some of those people work for years and years and never have the outcome they dreamed of.

I admire those people.  I respect the hard work it takes to follow through on a dream or a passion.  I want to encourage more people to stop talking and start doing.  Figure out a small thing that you can do to make your dream or idea become a reality.  You don't have to pack-up your bags and move across an ocean.  Maybe you just need to start serving soup to the poor or helping kids read at the local school.  Just do something.